rogerdr (rogerdr) wrote,
rogerdr
rogerdr

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Pet Peeves

As you know, I'm not a regular purveyor of memes, but my voluntary status of hermit of late has inevitably been filling my mind with otherwise harmless trivial peeves. So, to exorcise some of these demons, I'll list them in no particular order.

It's "different from", not "different than".

Banking is not, nor ever will be, cool, so stop fucking saying "refi".

I know it's in the dictionary, but when you use "people", you should say "who", not "that". "That" is for things.

My foot; applied directly to your ass.
My foot; applied directly to your ass.
My foot; applied directly to your ass.

We know that you graduated from a prestigious university, Mr. President, and that you're just doing it to get on our "liberal elite" nerves, but saying "nucular" really only makes you look more stupid. And yes, we get the snide rip in "Democrat Party" also. Dumbass.

Speaking of politics, Anne Coulter. `Nuff said.

Not only is the Earth round, but the Bible says "circle", not "sphere"; so all you 'the Bible iz teh science' people can suck it.

Alright, we heard you; you're not gay or otherwise sexually deviant. So stop getting caught.

I am not an atheist because I'm "missing something"; I'm an atheist because I'm not "missing something".

The universe wasn't designed for the benefit of Mankind; if anything, we were made for the benefit of cockroaches and ants.

Stop advertising cable on my cable.

Stop calling me, trying to get me to bundle the phone with my cable.

Stop telling me that satellite is so much better than cable until you can also give me more than 5mbps internet.

My glasses are ten years old, so HD really only means more expensive fuzz to me.

Iwhat?

l337 is not the same as texting, you cable news talking head ignoramuses.

Christianity may have heavily influenced European (and later, world) culture, but in the beginning it was far from "Western". Western Civilization began at Stonehenge. American Civilization began at Lambayeque.

If you try to Disneyfy my internet, I will come through your monitor, poke your eyeballs out, and fuck your dripping sockets.

If you truly think protestant evangelicals will vote for a Mormon Presidential candidate, you haven't hung out after services lately. Can you say "blasphemer"? About ten million blue-haired old women voters can.

OTOH, all Mormon men are not polygamists. They just wish they were.

Stop being surprised when boys fuck their young female teachers. Really, stop it.

Stop dropping real news when __________ goes to rehab. Regardless of how many people watch it, it's not generally relevant.

...which brings up a bigger point: neither news media, medicine, nor public energy should be for-profit businesses. Is we stoopid?

OMG, liek, the `80s are over. Leave the textspeak on your phones and blackberries, where it belongs.

Turn off your fucking cellphone before I shove it up your urethra.

No, I'm not going to call it a Helio, you fucking tool.

No, I'm not going to say "Hi!" to your Saturn. You also own a Helio, don't you?

Let's go back to the beginning with this. That dog is not your baby, unless your boyfriend is a Chihuahua, but if he barks one more time within my earshot he's the Lindbergh baby.

Stop spamming me. I can find pr0n myself just fine, and better quality than yours.

Speaking of porn; stop talking about it like it's some minor fringe of the economy or that people who use it are an antisocial minority. It is a foundation of civilization next to beer and starchy foods, and the antisocial minority is the group trying to stop it.

That said, no one is turned on by old, fat men jerking off on webcams. If anyone is, I don't want to see their webcams either.

I will never, never, buy anything because I see it on a flash ad.

I will never, never, buy anything because I see it on TV.

I will never, never, buy anything because someone on an ad tells me that it worked for him.

I will never, never, buy ActiveOn. So leave me the fuck alone.
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