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29 December 2003 @ 09:53 pm
me-hope not hate  

I couldn't do it. I had myself all psyched up this morning to go off. I had even worked out most of what I wanted to say; but, as the feelings started to flow and the words came pouring out onto the page, I slowly came to the realization that what I was writing was tantamount to a manifesto of hatred. I sat here for over four hours dealing out nothing but verbal violence, which felt great; but I took a break and checked out what was happening on your (my LJ friends') journals. Then I felt ashamed, for y'all aren't out there looking for that kind of shit.

So, I start over. It's true I don't like Bush; I didn't like him while he was my governor and I'm happy that Presidents only get eight years, if they're lucky. It's true I can't stand that we live in a society where political platforms are raised upon illegitimate moral high grounds. It's specially true I have no respect for the holders of national political offices and the pandering candidates vying for them; but this paragraph is long enough to say that. A hundred more lines of the same would not tell you any more about me, but could only serve to show you how deeply I feel; or, more likely, get us all stuck out in pens at Guantanamo Bay.

Yeah, it felt great to get it out, but anger is only a part of me; a part, almost nonexistent before I was shot, which grew into an unholy nightmare afterwards and remains something that is hard to deal with on occasion. I guess this is one of those times. Peace, Roger; think like the One.

I believe that most people are basically good, or, at least, that they think they are doing the right things, which may not be the same; but it's a start. I try to believe that the ones who work to hurt others are, in the end, working against themselves; but the world plays no favors on either side, and sometimes the bad guys win. As for me, I've got my own set of rules and answer to no one; whether I'm good or not is for you to decide. I was struck down once and I'll be damned if I'm going to let it happen again; if that means doing some things others consider selfish or evil, so be it.

I generally don't wish anything bad on others, however; my anger notwithstanding, even George W. Fucking Bush can have a long and happy life as far as I'm concerned, as long as he doesn't keep screwing us around to do it. I don't hold it against him that he believes in an oppressive, mysogenist religion; nor do I hold it against you, Megan and Jaclyn, I just don't understand it. I don't even care if all the right-wingers out there think I'm going to hell for not sharing that belief or you are for being in love with another woman (and acting on that emotion), but I do care when they say people like me are the oppressors or people like you are dangerous and try to use that to get rid of us; because that's exactly what they are trying to do, and if you can't see that... well, that's what I don't understand.

My mother is a Republican, and so all of her friends are in the FW Republican Women's Club; but she tells me over and over again how the Congressmen and male candidates they see at parties and conventions ignore them and shut them out of the internal GOP dealings. One time she even told me that she thought it was odd there were no Republican Men's Clubs. What could I say? She can't see that it is all a men's club and that she is only a token member. Unlike her, I won't be a member of any group in which I am merely tolerated; I have to accept them first, and I don't accept anyone with whom I'm not also welcome. Oh, I could go to one of her group's shindigs out in Park Hill and probably have a good time-once; but if I were to see that they're looking down on me, they would become the losers. The same applies to all evenly. That's my politics.

And that's about it;  much shorter than I expected. I could still go into my views on guns or abortions or a dozen other things like I had planned; but those are topics on which I have opinions that can change as I learn more about them, not beliefs that are so deeply founded that I can call them principles. Where my principles lie is mostly in the adage 'do unto others as you would have them do unto you', but that's too simple; different situations call for creative thinking, not reliance upon easily recited dogma. I've often said that my motto is 'whatever works'; but again, even when taken to mean fixing that which is wrong, this implies that once it is fixed you are finished, and nothing is ever really complete until you die. Except this post, because I'm dead tired.

 
 
Current Mood: draineddrained
Current Music: nothing but the computer's fan
 
 
 
Jaclyn Mariebecauseilive on December 30th, 2003 03:26 am (UTC)
"i don't accept anyone with whom i'm not also welcome"
I love reading your entries, they're so refreshing and real compared to most of the shit that crowds my Friends page. Keep it coming, please. Your thoughts are fascinating. Nothing is taboo, at least not to me, and don't worry about offending anyone. It's your journal and your right. I invite you to step on toes.
rogerdrrogerdr on December 30th, 2003 05:46 am (UTC)
late night snack-better than thanksgiving dinner
Thankyouthankyouthankyou...
Just getting up for some apple juice and a roll-damn I was tired earlier; why couldn't I sleep? But behold! You didn't axe me, so now I am at peace again.