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21 June 2007 @ 04:28 am
Midsummer  
That last Marcus Aurelius quote notwithstanding, I don't consider all sensible things worthless and contemptible, even in his rhetorical tone. Those who read my posts without knowing me otherwise may think I'm a rather cold, godless snob. I admit, this is what I wish to convey sometimes; it makes personal interactions simpler. But, I'm not as cold as my love of math and science might mislead you into thinking, and I don't hold in contempt those who seek truth in the metaphorical, the spiritual. I have looked there also and, though I have yet found nothing worthy to set my foundations upon, still I find beauty.

There is art for art's sake, and whatever other subjective vagaries of the artist, which I love.

TutAndAnkhen

There is also love, which I yet might aspire to, and the stories of love and the pain of loss which I am as prone to lose a tear for as anyone.

I have lived through too much, though, to believe that the hope inspired by such stories is the same as truth. Hope in the face of the darkling inevitable is important, yes, but it is, in the end, empty. What is required by life is strength of self, the will to fight regardless of ultimate impotence, the desire to scream out so all can hear, "I am alive, and I will not surrender to fate the authorship of my life or the meanings I give it!" Nothing I have ever seen or felt has convinced me that there is another world awaiting me beyond death, so I cannot act as if one exists that is more true, more right, more real than this one. That is the stuff of fairy tales and moral plays, not of the world of sober adults acting responsibly.

Again, I have to say that I love a good story. I just don't live in one.